Sweet smiles and a little makeup can hide so much these days

At night when she tries to sleep, rivers of tears are flowing down her cheeks, and she seems to find no hope that she will ever manage to stop them. But se does something, something she has done many nights before, she begins to lie to herself. She looks forward, one day far away from today, beyond the dark period of pain that she is in. Then she sees herself as a strong woman with a husband and two children, a happy ending. The tears slowly begin to subside and she continues with her lies. She sees white fence outside her average-sized house with roses by the house walls. She sees a big lawn where the children are running and playing... Slowly, she slips into peaceful sleep. But as soon as she opens her eyes in the morning the feeling comes back. The feeling when she regrets the day before it has even started. It's not be easy to wake in the morning when you know that you had to lie yourself to sleep the night before.

She tries to take a deep breath but it was long ago she has managed to do that, the air gets trapped halfway down to her lugns and she pushes it out in an incomplete sigh. Just as incomplete as his life has become. In a battle against the tears she sits on the edge of her bed and put one foot on the floor. "Yep, the floor is as cold as yesterday - nothing has changed", she thinks, disappointed. Every night she prays for a sign, no matter how small, that the morning will show her that tomorrow will be a better day.. but in vain! She pushes aside her emotions and searches within herself until she finds the robot; the robot that will take her through another day. It was the robot that got up and ate breakfast, put on the clothes, burshed the teeth, made the bed, packed the schoolbag and finally stood before the make-up mirror.

Now was the time for the robot to turn this sad, heartbreaking facial expressions into a shiny, happy girl. The robot began to apply foundation to give color to her pale and too dull complexion, which is the consequence of her heartache and the countless tears that she has cried. Furthermore, the robot goes to put on a little rouge, so that she gets rosy cheeks that makes people not understand that she does not feel anything inside, and that she is actually not blushing at all when someone gives her a compliment. So the black color under the eyes is not visible, the robot puts on eyeliner, both above and below the lashes, for in contrast to the black eyliner the the dark bags under her eyes become barely visible. Finally, the robot extends her lashes with mascara to better conceal the lifeless look in her eyes. The robot takes up the school bag, looks into the mirror and gives himself a false smile. It takes four fake smiles until the robot can find which is the least transparent and opens the door to meet a shining sun in the sky.

"What irony," she thinks to herself. The sun is shining in the sky while her own world is covered with darkness and rain, storms of rain coming from her eyes. When she sees the school she stays up for a while and repeats over and over again in her head that she is happy. When it becomes an impossible task, she lets the robot take over her again. The robot gets to school and is directly attacked by friends, but when the robot can see the friends it presses on a tear out in each eye, and quickly takes them back to get some more brilliance to the eyes, so that she can be a little more convincible in the act that her entire world is not crashing down. ... Another school day has ended, and with yet another excuse why she can not go for coffee the robot goes straight home. The second the legs crosses the threshold the robot disappears and it is only the little girl left again. Relieved to once again have fooled everyone that she is doing well, but devastated that no one has managed to see through her mask. "They all have their own happy life to live, why should anyone care about my pain?", she thought. She kicks the school bag to the corner of her room and throws herself on the bed and says quietly: "Sweet smiles and a little makeup can hide so much these days"!

She always belonged to someone else

"Be strong, it will be all right," they said. "Do not cry over him, he is not worth your tears," they tried. "I know it's hard now, and I will always be here," they promised ... and disappeared .. And just when she felt like the lonlies person in the wolrd went out and sat on a bench by a playground. She looked at the little children who laughed and chased each other, but a little girl with blond curly hair caught her attention. This little girl climbed on a tree and she felt that something terrible as about to happen to her, before she knew it the girl fell several feet straight down onto the ground and broke her arm. She wanted to run to the little girl but could not move, she wanted to scream but could not make a sound. The second, the girl hit the ground, she felt a lump in his stomach, she saw the little girl scream and cry for her mom.. And she realized that the little girl would go to the hospital, get his arm plastered, get lots of kisses and attention from her mother and within 8 weeks her life would go back to normal. She realized that the little girl's arm, and wounds would heal much faster than her own heart would. She got lost in her thoughts and thought of the period when she was a child, everything was much simpler then. You could fall and scrape your knees and the pain went away the instant that your mother kissed the wound... But you can't really kiss a broken heart.

"Hrrrm" said a voice beside her. She snapped back to reality from his thoughts. She looked around and all the children were gone, the next thing she noticed was that the night was about to fall, and first when she thought of what had taken her down to earth, she looked beside her and saw a middle-aged woman sitting there with dark brown eyes looking anxiously at her. "How are you dear child", she said. It was the first time since the day she decided that no one will see her in pain again that someone had looked through her facade and saw the broken heart. "Good," she said, but felt her voice break on the second letter. The woman wiped away some tears that had begun to slide down her cheeks, only then she realized that she was crying - she hated her tears, her eternal traitors! She could see that the woman was under stress when her own little daughter pulled her by the arm and asked when they would go, so the woman saw deep into her eyes and said with a self-assurance that she had never seen before: "Only a new love can heal a broken heart."

She went to bed that night and for the first time she dreamed not of what once was, about what destroyed her, unusually, she dreamed of nothing at all. But the second she woke up the woman's words echoed in her head. She tried to suppress them, but they made themselves felt again and again for several weeks, when she finally decided that maybe it is time to look forward rather than backwards. She stood before the mirror and whispered to herslef "only a new love can heal a broken heart" .. She took up her phone and phoned the guy who she knew had done everything possible to make her happy and made the decision that he would let her do it.

They started going out and had a lot of fun together, she realized that he is not the whimp that she always thought that he was. He was simply withdrawn, but under the surface, he was a tough guy, yet sensitive enough to talk about his feelings for her. He was everything that she had dreamed of when she was a child. She had even started to laugh, a true laugh again. But one night when she stayed the night at her boyfriend's place, just before sleep time he whispered "I love you" in her ear. She became as rigid as a stick and the same lump in my stomach as she had felt when she realized that this little girl's arm would heal faster than her heart would came back. She pretended to be asleep, and also fell fast asleep.

That night she dreamed that terrible dream, that she had not dreamed for a couple of months now. She woke from the dream and looked down at her boyfriend. She felt tears roll down her cheeks, for the longer she looked at her boyfriend, the more she saw her ex. She looked at his dark hair, it's just like his was. She looked at the beautiful cheekbones that were extra-large when he smiled, and realized that they are the same as her ex's.. Carefully she crept out of the bed, put on her clothes and sneaked out of the house .. She ran straight home and did not stop even to look back until she was safe in her room. She turned the key quickly and let the tears fall.

She thought of all the times she had spent in her boyfriend's arms and felt so safe there, but at the same time she could also feel that it was the place where she least wanted to be. She thought of all those times when they had a pillow fight and how she loved being held down among the pillows and being kissed over her entire body, but some of the kisses felt like an unpleasant shock. She realized no matter how much she wanted to imagine that she loved her boyfriend, it was her ex as she sought in him. The top of her pain came when she decided to break up with her boyfriend the next day because she realized that she always belonged to someone else!

This needs...

In the absence of other things to do, I decided to clean the house this afternoon .. It was not a lot of cleaning. First I went into the kitchen and took a look around, everything seemed to be in place; the dishes didn't need washing, the table did not need cleaning, even the kitchen sink did not need to be cleaned. So I went on to the next project: the living room. But even there, I found that the dam did not need dusting, the dirty did not need vacuuming, even the curtains did not need changing. A bit irritated, I went to the place where I know that always needs to be cleaned. With my mouth wide open, I realized that the shower did not need cleaning, the plates did not need polishing, even the shampoos did not need changing.

Half disappointed I lay inmy bed staring at the ceiling, just like I always do when I need to think. My thoughts turned quickly into facts as I, with a lump in my stomach, realized that it is not the physical things that need order, it is my inside that needsto be sorted out a bit. My trust needs replacing and my heart needs fixing!